I like to think of myself as a positive person. But every once in a while there are some things that stumble into the main stream that are just the worst. Currently, these are those things:
1. The Anaconda Music Video by Nicki Minaj
I actually don’t think you should watch it because it is that horrible. This is basically a ghetto pornography with clothes on. I mean I try to have some faith in humanity but this is a legitimate song and this is a legitimate music video and our silent acceptance means that we are just okay with. In case you think I’m being over dramatic Here is a line from the song in case you don’t want to ruin your day by watching the video:
Yeah, he love this fat a**
Yeah, this one is for my b**ches with a fat a** in the f***ing club
I said, where my fat a** big b**ches in the club?
F**k the skinny b**ches, f**k the skinny b**ches in the club
I wanna see all the big fat a** b**ches in the motherf***ing club
F**k you if you skinny b**ches WHAT?
I got a big fat a**
The last line of that song couldn’t be any more applicable. Come on. This is what music has become now? In case you’re wondering 51 million people have already watched that video and it only came out a few days ago. Nicki Minaj, you are the worst.
2. Nicolas Cage in Outcast
Now this one isn’t too hard to believe. Nicolas Cage is almost always the worst, but I think I’ve forgotten about his awfulness until recently. From time to time, I will watch trailers on IMDB and after watching this one I was once again reminded how terrible Mr. Cage is.
The part at 1:20 is my favorite.
Here’s my question. Does Nicolas Cage not have access to the internet? I mean it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that you’re not great in your roles when people are comparing you a list of currently most disliked things – your name gets mixed in with Nickleback, Crocs, and Internet Explorer as the ultimate worst. It’s not like Nicolas Cage can’t make a good movie. One of my favorite movies of all time is a movie where he is the main character called Adaptation. But I think he’s good in that movie because he isn’t trying to be some “badass” action hero. In the movie he’s actually a super insecure, shy writer who has to overcome that. He’s also great in Matchstick Men where he takes on similar qualities. Some people are type cast as the cool action heroes. Tom cruise pulls it off. Matt Damon can pull it off. Nicolas Cage, you can not, and right now, you are the worst.
3. Johnny Manziel
Well it looks like Johnny Football is starting off his career with a bang. Or should I say a bird?
Here’s the thing Johnny. I’m sure the Redskins bench deserved every bit of that gesture. And if it was Brett Farve who did it then we would probably all be okay with it. But it was you. The rookie first round draft who just had to make a scene on his debut in the big leagues. You’re like the kid in class on the first day who makes a fart joke and tries to self-designate himself as the class clown. Nobody likes that guy. Everybody already hates the Browns, and you’re not doing them any favors. Honestly though I think Daniel Tosh has the best insight on these kinds of issues though. And I think he would agree as well, Johnny Manziel – you are the worst.
4. Late night with Seth Meyers
You know those people who just make you feel uncomfortable by looking at you? Like they’re always up to something? That’s Seth Meyers. Here is one of his monologues that is about as funny as the rest of his monologues. Meaning not that funny.
He was fine on SNL, but the moment he stepped into Late Night he just put on a hat that wasn’t meant for him. I think Seth is a genius writer and a decent performer, but he just doesn’t have the gravitas or the charisma to keep me watching him. It’s not even that Jimmy Fallon is that much more funny, but he was just so much more enjoyable to watch. I feel uncomfortable watching Seth Meyers. I keep on waiting for the part where he will just be funny and normal but it never happens. So when it comes to Late Night, Seth Meyers, you are the worst.
Now unfortunately these are just the worst things right now. Who knows what will be awful next week, or even tomorrow? But rest assured knowing that I’ll have something to say about it. Now lets all watch that Anaconda video while flipping off Nicolas Cage during Late Night and go take on the world!